Poly Dating

BSTDating in Online Chat

Thanks to decreasing stigma, the number of people practicing poly dating (ENM) today in the United States is huge—even comparable to the population of LGBTQ+ folks. And because many singles are opting to meet their partners online anyway, it’s time to take a look at the best dating apps for those who identify as non-monogamous.

For starters, there are so! many! ways! to identify under the umbrella term of poly dating. But the one thing everyone has in common if they do: no expectation of exclusivity. Whether physical or emotional, exclusivity is not present in these relationships.

Now as an ethically non-monogamous person, I’ve always used dating apps—from my first open relationship at 19 to my solo-polyamory today. Through Tinder, I’ve found two of my long-term partners. Via Hinge, I had my first relationship with another woman. And while on Feeld, I’ve met all sorts of wonderful ethically non-monogamous folks.

Poly dating app

In general, it’s been a pretty positive experience. Dating apps and poly dating sites free help people like me represent ourselves properly. We can usually state directly in our profiles “I am ethically non-monogamous,” which is much better for someone who, like my partner, is married and wears a wedding band. He can’t walk up to a cute girl in a bar and chat her up without negative assumptions arising like: “Omg, he’s cheating!” or “Ew, what a sleaze ball.”

Basically, by putting ourselves on outline platforms, we can remove those knee-jerk reactions that may arise IRL.

But even with that in mind, ethically non-monogamous people can often run into ideological differences on the best poly dating site too. ENM allows many of us to free ourselves from typical timelines and expectations: We have different views on what constitutes a relationship, cheating, and what lifetime partnership looks like.

And yet unfortunately, we are often stigmatized to just want sex—and only sex. Which isn’t the case.

Poly dating websites

So what apps can help us navigate these difficulties? How can ENM people work their way into a world—and an app market—that perpetuates the concept of finding a “one and only?” Well, first, we pick our battles. Then, we pick our apps.

Despite meeting my first romantic female partner poly dating website, this app in particular is one of the least amenable apps for ethical non-monogamy. It is, after all, coined as “designed to be deleted,” which perpetuates monogamy, so it’s not surprising that I found it difficult to be ENM on this app.

It doesn’t give you an option in your profile to designate the level of exclusivity you desire, which isn’t expected—but paired with the fact that your bio is actually a series of answers to their pre-selected questions, you have to get creative if you want to make it clear you’re ethically non-monogamous.

Still, because it attracts folks who are looking for more serious (monogamous) relationships, I’ve received the most skepticism about my lifestyle on it. Most of the men I spoke to on poly dating were confused about the workings of ENM or they saw me as a challenge. (In that case, no one really won because I’m still writing this article and I’ve deleted the app).

How to Pick the Right Poly Dating Site

It is one thing to be curious about a multi-partner sexual relationship — and another to actually log-in and discover more. Especially for those who are new to this often X-rated scene, it can be intimidating to pick a platform, create an account and put yourself out there for all to see and engage with. Depending on which of the recommended destinations you decide to invest in, you will find a variety of experiences, interfaces and sexy exchanges. The only task is figuring out which one will fulfill your kink. Here, a helpful, easy guide to picking the right polyamorous community for your fantasies and goals:

be mindful of what you want…..

Because there are plenty of feeling involved when you’re juggling the hearts (and bodies) of many people, before you start downloading anything, it’s important to ensure you’re clear on what you’re seeking in a relationship. Even if a poly lifestyle dating dynamic lends itself to flexibility and exploration, ensuring you treat your partner — or rather, partners! — with respect is still essential. Take time to dig a little deeper into your goals and intentions of joining a polyamorous site and decide what matters to you the most. Are you looking for a casual fling or purely x-rated time? Are you open to a friends-with-benefits that could lead to more? Or, are you seeking a serious commitment that could lead to a long-term affair? Once you’re set on these pillars, you can start browsing around these recommended apps.

two women chatting online

Quickie or Tinder

Sure, there are marriages that come from poly dating Tinder. And some people have long-term intentions. But generally speaking, this flamin’ app is a one-stop-shop for sex on demand. The same is true with Quickie. Though you will have to page through ads and bots to find real, human folks looking for a wild time, they do exist. For those who are in the mood to get have a threesome (or somethin’ even bigger) tonight, your time is best spent swiping on these platforms.

BeNaughty or X-Match vs #Open or OpenMinded

No matter if you’re Team One Person or Two Two Or More, there’s a difference between looking for l-o-v-e and hoping to get jiggy with it… tonight. Not everyone wants to build a multi-partner relationship, but they would be into more than one person in their bedroom. If your hope is to explore your kinks, then BeNaught and X-Match are a better place for you to well, score. It’s important to be mindful of scammers and to understand exactly how much every interaction cost since sometimes they are hidden or unclear. You should also expect plenty of flirting on poly relationship sites, video chats and invites — so take your time to weed through the muck to find someone who actually wants the same things you do.

What’s in a name? Everything you really need to know for this poly dating polyamorous dating websites. Targeted specifically to the community who seeks a non-traditional arrangement, both of these destinations cater to your interests and desires. Since both couples and singles can sign up, it’s an easy first step for duos who want to bring another person into their dynamic. While they do come with membership fees, these sites offer a curated, trusted community that’s worth the additional price tag.

OkCupid: best poly dating site

While some people are Fifty Shades of Grey, you’re more of a soft beige — and that’s okay. Not everyone is ready to dive straight into the wild wild west of multi-partner flings. Especially if this is a part of your interests that you have always been anxious about exploring, poly dating is a safe — and free! — place to begin your search. Because this site doubles as a traditional dating destination, you have to be pretty upfront in your profile about your intentions to connect with more than one person. Even so, there is a large, welcoming community that will gradually introduce you to this world, without getting naked from message number one.

The Best Poly Dating Site

If you’re exploring your sexuality and you’ve decided to try out a multi-partner relationship, you may consider yourself a polyamorous beginner. You can learn more about what this means in our guide here — but if you’re ready to start seeking partners, you need a place to start downloading. After all, half the battle of being polyamorous person is finding ways to meet others by means of poly dating that share your same sexual interests. And while there are a million dating sites and apps at our fingertips, there are very few that actually tailor to the poly community. Whether you’re looking for a casual hookup or a steady sexual partner (in addition to the one you already have), check out these poly-friendly dating sites to find just what you’re looking for.

Poly lifestyle dating sites

#Open

While #Open is a newer app, its mission speaks volumes: Its goal is to create open, honest connections, encouraging users to own their sexuality, fetishes, and desires. “One of the nice things about #Open is that they offer a wide range of options of identifiers such as relationship styles, gender, orientation, and more,” Hunter Riley, Instructor of Mastering the BJ Interactive Skills and Manager of operations & outreach at Self Serve Toys shares. “You can even create a solo profile or a profile as a couple.” Even though there might not be a ton of users (yet), one thing’s for sure: All of the people using #Open are inclusive, meaning you won’t have to weed through the bad to find someone worth your time.

Ashley Madison

Though this affair-friendly site has had a poor reputation lately with data leaks — it’s still a popular destination for ahem, naughty experiences. What most people don’t realize about Ashley Madison is how it caters to the open-minded crowd or the sexually adventurous. There is a whole community of poly dating polyamorous couples and singles as part of the Ashley Madison realm, and it’s an active group that plays frequently. Because this app is now super-focused on security and discretion, rates have gone up. What you pay for is a curated crowd of matches who are equally as intrigued about multiple sex partners as you are. Ashley Madison is also known as a place where matches actually meet up, so you won’t have to spend too much time typing away what you want to do — and can spend more time, well doing it.

Fetlife

Okay, okay — this isn’t just a site for kinky people. But it is one that caters to your kind of crowd. Fetlife is actually a great way to meet other poly people in your area that’ll help satisfy your needs. Riley makes it clear that FetLife is not a poly dating app, but actually “a way to use their group and event functions to find local meet-ups and other polyamorous people who might be looking to date.” Even if they’re not interested in dating per se, they might be interested in having a good time, which is definitely something. Especially for beginners, poking around on this site will help to answer your questions about polyamorous relationships and help you navigate this new uncharted territory.

AdultFriendFinder and FriendFinder-x

As one of the largest sites for casual encounters and hook-ups, you can expect to find anything and everything you desire on this website. Though there isn’t an app sadly, there are plenty of active member groups that cater directly to the poly sector. Once you create a profile and choose a membership level, you can begin to browse through forums and chats, where you’ll find plenty of folks looking for a third or singles like yourself. What’s nice about FriendFinder X and Adult FriendFinder is how anything goes, making it a welcoming, liberating place to be honest about what gets you ticking in a multi-partner poly dating relationship. These are also trusted within the swinger community, which is a big plus for anyone who is dabbling in a new arena.

Xmatch

Also part of the Friend Finder community, this site is similar to Adult FriendFinder and FriendFinder X — but it’s a tad steamier. If you’re looking for a highly sexual encounter within the poly dating world, this is a good place to start. After you go through the sign-up process (which can be a little confusing, so take your time!) — you can start to interact with niche groups that discuss desires and opportunities candidly. Though one drawback is that members aren’t forced to interact, so you might not always hit a homerun with matches, chances are high you’ll find a partner (or many) among the thousands of profiles. Members can also post a thread themselves in forums, so if there’s a kink you’re looking for specifically, don’t be shy!

OKCupid

You’ve definitely heard of OkCupid before — but it might not be the first stop you think of for a poly dating site. Think again! This one-size-fits-all site has different filters that allow it to become a welcoming place for multi-partner seekers. This is mostly due to their advanced searching feature that doesn’t discriminate against any type of desire, fetish or partnership. “You can filter to only see people who are interested in or open to non-monogamous relationships, and many people list their relationship orientation in their profile,” Riley tells us. “Plus, OkCupid has several questions about various forms of ethical non-monogamy and polyamory.” When it comes to the mainstream dating sites — think: Match.com, Bumble, and Tinder — OKCupid is by far the most poly-compatible since it asks users their sexual and relationship preferences right off the bat.

BeNaughty

The name says it all: This site is made for folks — poly dating or not — who are looking for hookups. Made especially for singles or people in committed relationships, this site gets you what you want, when you want it. Since there isn’t a verified matching algorithm, this site is focused mainly on looks and well, flirty messages. Want to take things offline? If you use the mobile app, you can easily arrange a meetup with another user. On this site, you can also search by various kinks and preferences, allowing you to cater to exactly the set-up you’re on the hunt for. While there is a paywall here to interact fully with members, for those who actively seek a unique partnership, like a polyamorous relationship, it’s worth the investment.

Tinder

Believe it or not, Tinder is a hub for, well, everything. And by that we mean: singles looking for dates, bachelors hoping for a poly dating relationship, and polyamorous couples and solos who want to play. Though it may not be pegged as multi-partner community, there are definitely profiles that explain in detail what they’re hoping to find within this flaming app. Make sure to fill out your own summary in a way that welcomes the polyamorous community by sharing your intentions — and perhaps, a sexy photo or three. Experts say there are plenty of frisky couples here, so Tinder may be best suited for solos looking for a fun time.

OpenMinded

If you’re looking for the number one poly dating site to fulfill your whims and needs, we recommend putting your energy into this top pick. Why is it so great for multi-partner setups? It’s one of the only dating sites made specifically for polyamorous people — so nearly everyone will be on your page. As you might expect from their name, OpenMinded thrives on openness and respect. In this case, most of the users are married or in a committed relationship but looking to spice things up. That means they’re looking to have a good time with no strings — or paperwork! — attached. All messaging and profile features are free but if you want to see who viewed your profile, you’ll have to pay up.

Plenty Of Fish (POF)

As one of the oldest poly dating sites, Plenty of Fish (POF) has a massive database of users from all over the world. What’s nice about these big numbers is how it ups your chances of meeting someone who shares your same desires. Though they don’t outwardly advertise themselves as a polyamorous dating site, there are many ways to finagle the search algorithm to find what you’re looking for. This could be by setting your goal as ‘casual’ and writing that you’re not monogamous in your profile. As a free dating website, you can easily find your way around and search to see if it’s the right spot for you — without spending a dime.

The PolyMatchMaker

Welp, the name gets right to the point, doesn’t it? What we dig about this poly dating site is how intuitive and easy it is to navigate. You simply sign up, make a profile and start poking around (pun intended). Because everyone here is buzzing around seeking the same relationship, you won’t waste time or energy on those who aren’t serious. The only downfall is you can’t message anyone until you upgrade to a paying membership status. Though this investment does require your credit card, it’s better to fork over the cash on a polyamorous dating site that gets right to the point, like this one. Who knows, you may just find the love — or loves — of your life!

QuickFlirt

Looking for a quickie? Sign up, start flirting and get the poly dating relationship you’re looking for (even for just a night). This site doesn’t have a ton of bells and whistles, but that’s the point: it’s meant to be an instant engagement into whatever kink you’re in the market for. In addition to being a polyamorous dating site, it also welcome the LGBTQ community, singles over a certain age and all sorts of other demographics. Simply fill out a super-easy profile — and start hitting on the many people who share your desires.

PURE

Sometimes you want a romantic partner that will fill your emotional needs and be your go-to person through anything and everything life throws your way. You may also want a second mate that does the same, if you’re in a polyamorous dynamic. However, there are other times when you’re fueled by sexuality — and sexuality only. That’s where PURE comes in. Ideal for those looking for a casual fling, PURE’s purpose is well, pure. It encourages users to have fun and then “act like you’re strangers.” It’s described as “quick, direct, and discreet.” So, if you’re looking for a mere sexual adventure, then PURE’s your best bet. Anything more? Then move on.